Don’t say, “SEE!”
As most of my readers know I am a
psychologist with 30 years of working with parents and children in schools. I’m
working on a book about some of what I’ve learned, insights and strategies that
seem to make the most important job in the world a little easier and more
effective. I continue to work with parents each week who have suggested that I
get a move on with this book or start posting chapters of it on my blog. I’m
listening and so will start posting “bits” if not chapters.
The bit that is getting the most
nods of insight recently has been the caution to not say, “See how easy that
was.” This parental comment usually follows the child finally doing something
that they resisted or avoided or something that was hard for them. It’s natural
to want to remind them that all the fuss was not necessary and that the task
was really “easy.” But I suggest a different response. “See how easy that was.” minimizes for some
children the effort and courage it took to accomplish the task. It also robs
the parent of the opportunity to praise and reinforce one of the most important
character strengths – to do something even when it is hard. So instead of “See
how easy…” I suggest something like the following. “I’m proud of you for doing
something that I know was hard (or uncomfortable or scary) for you. You must
feel proud of yourself too.” Rather than
feeling like a big wimp for the initial resistance, it helps the child build
confidence in his or her own resources to face future challenges.