My Book Chapters



Stories in Books

On this website I share previously published articles and new work, but I also have chapters in a few books. In the bookstore or library, I invite you to take a peek at these and when I get around to it I will check with the publishers about reprinting rights and will place them on this web site.

1. “The Best Day of My Life” in an Anthology titled Chocolate for a Woman’s Soul. It describes the day I found out that a precious friend was diagnosed with cancer and being so far away that I could only pray – in the form of living the best day I possibly could.

2. “The Green Chalk Heart” in the Anthology A Cup of Comfort `for Courage. This is a story of the amazing empathy and kindness one five year old showed to another.

3. “It’s What You Answer To” in The Teachable Moment edited by Rebecca Branstetter. This is a nice gift book for teachers. My story is about a girl teaching me how to deal with teasing.

4,”Diamond in the Rough” in One Size Does Not Fit All, edited by Randy Howe. My work sometimes let me see the goodness in some of the “bad” kids and help others see it too. 

5. “Tan Babies” (My title was," My father would have loved my children") in Tim Russert’s collection titled Wisdom of Our Fathers. In spite of being from a much older generation my father would have loved my children because they were mine and because of what a fine person he was.

6. "Collateral Damage." In a book edited by Ann Jealous titled Combined Destinies, on the harm that racism causes white people. 



posting comments

Many readers have tried to post comments with no success. With the excellent help of my daughter I've figured out how to open that possibility. Apparently it is most easily done if one has a google account. I always appreciate comments and suggestions for future topics.

GROWING OLD, BUT FIRST GROWING UP


Knowing Who You're Not


I often listen to writers and literary types interviewed on NPR. Once in a while, I think, "I should read that book, or I should write that way."  Then, those years of experience in my skin gently pull me back into that skin, and I think, "I have come to terms with the reality that I am not a reader and that I write from who am".  In writing, people often talk about "finding your voice."  For some people that voice grows out of discovering who one is.  For me that voice has helped me find out who I am -- moreover, who I am not.
In the 60's and 70's the phrase  "Been there, done that" was common.  Part of those times for many of us was to go there and do that, as much as possible. It was the time of the Renaissance man and woman.   
I have baked bread, made candles, developed my own photographs, given my own perms and grown my own food. But now, I know that I will never make a giant quilt; I have given away the fabric I'd been saving for years.  I will not weave a blanket.  I donated the boxes of yarn.  I will not make a twig table from the birch tree trimmings.  I'm giving the wood to a man who makes birdhouses.  And I doubt if I will ever be a reader.  Friends know better than to give me books or even recommend them. 
When I was a youngster, people always used to tell kids, "Just be yourself."  Now, when I do workshops for adolescence I ask them, "Do people still tell kids that?"  They all nod their heads with expressions of annoyance and resignation.  I understand their annoyance.  It took me years to figure out why I hated to hear that advice.  It was because, as a young person, it is the hardest advice to follow.  "Be yourself? "  "What self?  This emerging blob of identity has a different self from hour to hour. 
So when I talk to the students I say.  "It's the hardest advice to follow while you're young.  Ignore it with the same grace that you handle the equally false statement, 'This is the best time of your life' ".  First step, figure out who you are, but don't be in a big rush.  It's a worthy adventure and it takes time.  Perhaps a lifetime."
            After many years I have figured out, to a level of some comfort, who I am.  An additional benefit is that I'm almost equally sure of who I'm not.  I have given up many  goals, with surprisingly little regret. When I do stress management workshops, I talk about the value of having a list of priorities, but the equal value of realizing that to accomplish numbers 1, 2 and 3, you may need to cross 8,9 and 10 off the list.
            Now, when I see a neat little piece of furniture that requires refurbishing, I remember that furniture refinishing is in the "8,9, 10" category.  I try to follow the advice of an antique dealer and friend.  "When I was young I took on all kinds of projects and my basement filled up with unfinished projects.  Now my motto is, "Don't buy work'".  The work I no longer buy, is the work of being someone I am not.  I'm pretty sure I've figured that  one out.   Haven't been there, haven't done that -- and that's just fine.

Plum Blossom Season Again


 For most of the year the plum tree in our back yard is a nuisance. It hangs over the driveway and drops its seasonal debris on my car. In the fall the leaves drop. In the summer the tasteless plums drop or are thrown down by the squirrels. And at random times the raccoons break off a branch that lands on the car hood and causes a small dent or scratch. BUT for a few glorious days in the spring the tree completely redeems itself.
If we are really fortunate and the rain or wind don’t come at this time we are treated to a wonderful event, the tree in full bloom. The tree makes the yard smell divine and it looks like a giant party dress made of white lace.
 From my office window I have a special treat when the sun is setting. The light is warm gold on the top of the Oak behind the bright white plum. The pictures here are a feeble attempt to capture and share this moment.
So when the leaves fall and the sticky plums cover my car I remember these few days. It’s all worth it.

Teachers: Classroom management without group punishment



Finding Your Marbles: Group Punishment or Group Reward
by Susan DeMersseman, Ph.D.
Punishing a group of students for one's misbehavior is standard practice for many teachers, but it can have negative effects. Starting with a jar of marbles, the author has devised a system of group rewards which can change student attitudes for the better.

It’s a common script in classrooms:
“Table B just lost a point because Jeremy did not put his book away on time.”
“The Bluebirds will go out to recess last, because Sherri is still talking.”
In my work as a school psychologist I often visit classrooms where children are seated in groups or at tables. Teachers regularly hand out rewards and punishments to the group based upon the behavior of one person. In some settings it is an accepted practice; but for many parents, teachers, and students it’s a controversial issue.
Group punishment remains a common tool teachers have in their arsenal of classroom management methods. The reasoning is that the group will get so disgusted with the“bad” kid that they will exert the needed pressure to keep him or her in line. It has a certain logic and it often works, but it can backfire. The innocent who are punished can become resentful toward the teacher or the target of the punishment. Even more dangerous, the misbehaving student—usually a low-status kid to begin with—will slip even further, become even more isolated, and then feel a need to act out again.
Some of the best teachers I’ve worked with used this strategy and it did work to some extent, but I feel certain that if offered the following alternative they would have found it preferable. The method I propose also uses the group, but as a cheerleading section rather than an angry mob ready to stone the culprit. Specifically, the teacher uses a glass jar and glass marbles (or some other concrete method of awarding points). The system works by allowing an individual child or table to earn points or rewards for the whole group. Points or marbles cannot be lost—only gained. The teacher gives the whole class points toward a special activity for the desired behavior of the individual class members.
Sometime the low-status child is not the cut-up, but the brainy, nerdy, or unattractive kid. But if that child is responsible for the group earning points toward a movie, an extra recess, or a popcorn party, the child’s status can be raised significantly. Teachers sometimes express a feeling of powerlessness to help the isolated student in a classroom. This is one concrete way to address that problem and to prevent the scapegoating that is so common when one child requires a lot of correction.
This strategy can work on target behaviors for every child in the class, not just the misbehavers. Go over the class list and identify for each student a target behavior, e.g. speaking up, sharing, getting in line, not disturbing other people’s things, staying with a task. Then look for these behaviors throughout the day and reward the group for the child who is improving on that behavior. It is also advisable, when working with a status issue, to recognize a low- and high-status kid at the same time:“Tina and Hannah just earned two marbles for the class, because they gathered the papers at their table so quietly and politely.” Associating all students with the reward system makes it more desirable.
Some teachers even allow students to reward each other with marbles. Eagerness for a reward may cause the youngsters to be a little overly generous initially, but you can guide this. For example, spend the first few minutes after lunch as a time for appreciations (it is too often the complaining time). This method helps children focus upon what is good in their classmates and in themselves, and it makes them feel more a part of the group.
An enormous issue in any classroom is inclusion or acceptance. I was recently interviewed for an article following a school shooting. The journalist asked, “What are children most afraid of?” She was obviously thinking in terms of violence, but with so many years of listening to the concerns of children I answered easily, “Being left out.” This positive method helps children feel more included and accepted by the group. With acceptance, children’s ability to learn increases as well. Such a method makes each child feel like part of the group and helps them recognize that their good efforts can support and encourage effort in others as well. Another wonderful side effect of this approach is that the teacher gets to listen to him or herself in positive rather than negative mode all day. We get more of whatever we shine the light on, and often the light shines back on us.

Susan DeMersseman, Ph.D., is a psychologist and writer in the San Francisco Bay area. She works with children and parents and conducts workshops on a wide range of subjects for parents and educators.
From Today's Catholic School  Teacher. April 2003